Another Trip Around
October 30th is my birthday and usually around this time of year, I get to thinking. It’s like this intense ‘Scorpio’ introspection into who I am, who I’m called to be, and if I’m hitting the mark or missing it. This year, I’ve included in my celebration counting the receipts of my success and giving credit where it is due. Not sure what I mean? Keep reading, I’ll explain.
While I love to celebrate birthdays, I find it difficult to celebrate me—the things I’ve accomplished and the work I do. The receipts, if you will. During my experience earlier this year at a Black Women’s Retreat with some of the dopest WOC in the room, we were encouraged to count those receipts—to name them, claim them and state them with pride. We get so caught up in ‘staying afloat’, caring for others, and becoming entangled in the trap of imposter syndrome (self-doubt, anxiety, stressors/pressures, whatever you want to call it) that we forget that we have been appointed to our work (not just career, I’m talking vision), certified to do so, and we are successful in these realms. So, I am literally going to be listing the things I’ve done in the last year, big and small, and checking my receipts (the accounts for the things that I have done).
In addition to celebrating who I am and the day I was born, I will also be setting intentions. There was a new moon earlier this week and that is generally a time to set new intentions and I figured—what better way to begin a new personal 365 than to set specific objectives? I’ll most likely keep it to 3-5 particular intentions that not only develop who I am as a person but how I can impact the world.
Lastly, there is one specific thought that I will be evaluating and addressing in the year to come (well several but this is the one that stands out the most). This is in regards to a post that I recently put up on Instagram. In a conversation with one of my mentors, she asked ‘are you really serving other people, if you are neglecting yourself?’ When I tell you this all hit me like bricks!! Y’all, I was shook!
Prior to the comment, I told her how I can guide others in taking care of themselves and even provide quality care for the folks around me- family, friends, patients, coworkers. Yet when it comes to me: I AM LAST ON MY OWN LIST! She gave me this contemplative look (one I am truly familiar with because of my time spent in training with her)—the one that says, ‘did you hear yourself?’ I laughed because I did hear myself and then she made the statement that rocked me. That’s when it wasn’t so funny.
So here I am now left with the above question and to determine how best to care for myself after nearly 4 years of neglect. This goes hand in hand with setting intentions and the reading of receipts. This is a time in which I will do something that I rarely do but need to start considering more. I will be planning ways to be better to me—Aiyana— and how I can truly invest in myself in order continue the work I know I was called to do.
I know this is a long post (I’m wordy but try to keep it short here) but I truly want to share the gems that I have discovered along the way. If you have a birthday coming up or even if it’s been a while since you’ve checked in with you, I encourage you to take a few moments soon to review where you are, check your receipts, set intentions, and create a plan for your life that includes the attention to self that you deserve.
You’re totally worth it and there is nothing that is worth losing self over.
Nothing.
