Midwifery: What They Don't Teach You In School (Part I)
I sit here typing to you from ‘outside’. Yes, outside in semi-cool southern California. But also—outside of my norm, outside of myself. Don’t worry—I’m ok and am working on continuing to be ok. It’s a process: ‘happiness is an inside job’.
At any rate, I want to briefly write to you today about a few things no one ever told me about being a midwife prior to accepting the path. I’ll explore this more (because there is secrecy in midwifery in addition to many other realms in life) but I’m processing and hope to help someone as I heal (read: help myself).
What I learned about midwifery, after becoming a midwife:
1. Although midwifery is one of the highest callings and oldest traditions/professions, midwives are not always respected. In some countries, midwives are considered equivalent to royalty; the profession is sacred and honored. This does not apply to the U.S.—a whole other discussion. Don’t worry we will go there! Many midwives are treated as subservient despite the rich history and care they provide. Please do not get me wrong—we do receive recognition and validation from each other and our clients. What is also true is that there is a long-standing dismissive history of our profession and sometimes that can impact the care that our clients and their families require (see the struggles of insurance coverage for midwifery care).
2. There is a deep spiritual/energetic exchange when midwifery care is provided. This is specifically true in labor and birth—even in abortion too. The exchange at times can be palpable if folks are paying attention. Sometimes it can be draining especially without creating ritual and building steady foundation. These may evolve over time, but are truly necessary. You really have to know yourself and prepare for debriefing and refilling after these exchanges. I have learned this as a result of not preparing for these things.
3. Midwifery can yield moments of isolation—especially as a Black midwife. Social media has been helpful for some of us. It allows us to reach others that we would otherwise perhaps not connect with or only see every so often at a lecture or conference. This is great but doesn’t cover all that is needed especially within the first few years of practice. New midwives (all midwives) need nourishment. We need the support of each other, the connection, the ability to call a midwife-friend at 3 AM to troubleshoot, or a [virtual] happy hour to debrief, laugh, cry, and connect. This is essential for the spiritual exchanges I mentioned above and for balance. And it is rarely taught in the classroom. There is no lecture that reveals how alone you may feel at times.
I’m going to stop here for today. I know so many have experienced the above and some perhaps didn’t know that these truths existed. Folks see the work (the results) of a process. And it TRULY is a process. But the journey to get that ‘instagram-able birth photo’ (no shade) is many times filled with a hard, long, intentional process. Which sometimes means we empty our cup to ensure someone else’s stays full.
If you want some more perspective, check out a recent podcast I and a few other Black midwives participated in with Midwife Takiya Ballard of Sakina Health for The Savvy Black Birther podcast (click on the highlighted text). I want you to hear it from us. So you know. Not to say that ‘no one told you’ but so that if you decide to venture on this path, you can fortify yourself for the work ahead and be better prepared. And for those who have sought and received care from a midwife can understand a bit more.
No more secrets. We will heal by sharing our truths.
