‘But What If It Works?’
I have a close friend, a sister in my eyes, who challenges me with the above question. And when I say challenge I don’t mean wrestle me to the ground to get eye drops in my eyes (brownie points if you know the TV show reference) but more like the kind of challenge that 72 hours worth of labor offers ending with a beautiful birth (side note: we can do hard things). In the latter process, you may question many things- can I? will I? why? who? when? But the point and what my dear friend really wants me to see is ‘what can be’.
So 2020…it has been a number of things. Y’all already know. It has offered me so much including grief, heartache, triumph, the closing of chapters and opening of others, shifting, and the chance to look into who I am as a person and who I want to be. In the reflection of this, I have been afforded the opportunity to speak with a few midwife colleagues, family, friends, and others as I process my dreams. Sometimes after these conversations or while I reminisce over them, the fear begins to creep in. The questions pop off like: ‘How will I afford this? How will I obtain the support I need? Who am I to even want to do these things? Will folks understand and gain something from this?’
One of the biggest moves this year has been to say to myself- ‘none of this matters’. Don’t get me wrong- I sit with fear. I let it tell me about itself so that I can identify it for EXACTLY what it is. But in this process, I am beginning to tell my fears ‘no’. Imagine wanting to watch a show really badly but someone keeps talking, so you turn the volume up and really give the show your attention you have set out to watch! THIS IS IT!!
I want you to know this: The vision for your life is greater and louder than your fears. We just tend to allow our fears to consume us so much sometimes that we can’t see (or hear) past them. Also, some of us are allowing the fears that others have, on our behalf, to consume us as well. None of this should bear weight. The vision should be the ‘heaviness’ of it all. Not to weigh us down but to remind of us of the importance of what we are called to do. Because in the grand scheme of things—we are going to face uncertainty, failure is a part of success, and those hesitant ‘what-if-it-doesn’t/can’t/won’t’ questions really don’t matter because the ‘what if it works’ statements carry so much more power.
Y’all- this was a word to me. I hope it speaks to you too. You know how I feel: take the meat, leave the bones, or share this particular meal with someone you think can benefit.
I have much more to share with you next year. I hope you continue to stick with me. As we close out the memorable and unfathomable 2020, don’t lose sight of your vision because of the noise of your fears. Write it, look at it, remind yourself of it, tell your fears to shut up, and do the work that will get you to your dreams.
Blessings and safety to you all. Don’t forget your masks y’all.
